A is for Accountability, is for Athlete.
I’d like you to meet Jack. He’s my Exercise Physiologist who is helping me train for next year’s adventure.
I was chatting to him about my desire to change my thinking from ‘cycling to avoid a relapse’ — i.e. based in fear — to ‘cycling because I enjoy it’ — i.e. based in love. He mentioned that when he was devising my program, he did so with the view that he was training an athlete. It was so refreshing to hear. The phrase: ‘An athlete who has M.S.’ is far more empowering than ‘someone who has M.S who wants to be an athlete’. It puts a positive image at the centre of my identity rather than a negative. M.S is part of my existence but it is not who I am.
Accountability has become a vital part of keeping me healthy. It is a bizarre concept in many ways but for me it has been/is life changing. I am generally fiercely independent. If I can do it myself I will. So coming to a place where asking for support on a regular basis has been a difficult challenge, but one that has been necessary and fruitful.
I have a team of people around me who enable me to live the life I love. Jack has now entered that team. I have an awesomel G.P. who keeps my physical health in check. I have a superb psychologist who helps keep my mental health stable. I have a wonderful Spiritual Director who helps keep my spiritual life on an even keel. None of these people actually make me healthy. I do. However, without them, I wouldn’t be as healthy as I am. I believe that is for two reasons:
- They have specialised wisdom in their field which they can impart to me when needed.
- The concept of accountability — i.e. The fact that I show up each month/fortnight/week — makes me more likely to follow said wisdom. And if I haven’t, I have the support to find another way through each challenge.
None of these people would chase me down if I didn’t show up. It’s not that they don’t care. It isn’t their job to make me do what is needed for my welfare. The relationship I have with them makes me want to though. (Add in to the mix, I pay for said services, so value for money is an additional motivation albeit a smaller one than relationship)
I have feared accountability because I have associated it with judgement, (a throwback from being raised in a fundalmentalist church). Accountability now means freedom, growth and potential.
Outside of my ‘professional’ team, I’m also surrounded by a wide range of friends and family who also keep me accountable in varying ways and degrees. Those closest to me have permission to be as blunt as necessary because that’s often the only way I can recalibrate perspective. However, those who have that right and privilege have so because of a relationship built on love, respect and trust. Not everyone gets to be blunt! The effects of everyone’s blunt input would merely be destructive.
The joy of having a great network is I know that someone will always check in to see if I’m doing O.K. It’s not always when I think I want it, but ultimately, I know there are people out there who love me. I haven’t always felt so blessed. For a large part of my life I have felt disconnected and alone. I understand deeply the pain such a feeling brings. Surprisingly, it has changed largely through the implementation of accountability. It’s a scary journey to begin. Learning to trust someone else’s perspective other than your own can at first feel disempowering. However, paradoxically, it has been the single tool that has helped me gain trust in my own feelings and decisions.
I can appear to be motivated and inspirational, but it is only possible, I believe, because I have chosen a lifestyle of radical accountability. I know I don’t have the self discipline to go the distance on my own. And the reality is I don’t think anybody does if they want to become the best version of themselves. Humanity is in need of interdependence NOT independence. It’s taken me a lifetime to acknowledge that accountability does NOT reflect weakness but rather the beauty of human connection.
